We Need To Talk, Mrs Kafka
Difference
Did my secretary explain why I wanted you to come in?
No. She said it was about Frankie, but she didn’t give me any details.
Good. I asked her not to, in case someone overheard the conversation. This is a sensitive matter.
What has he done?
I’m afraid he has become quite disruptive recently. The school is not permitted to have him assessed without the written agreement of at least one parent or guardian, but the nurse has told me that in her opinion he is height-divergent.
Height what? I’ve never heard of that.
Surely you are aware that he is considerably taller than he was when he first came here?
Well, yes. That’s what happens with children. You must have noticed.
I don’t think I need to point out that, as head teacher, I am familiar with the situation you describe. In Frankie’s case, however, it has gone too far. He is now five feet two inches tall, and is therefore a bad influence on the other pupils.
In what way?
One of the girls in his year has recently attained a height of four feet eleven inches, most likely because she wishes to copy him. At their age, such behaviour is very common. Four feet eleven inches is far from ideal, but we can accommodate it if she stops growing, as Frankie should have done.
How could he? He can’t help it. That’s just the way he is.
Be that as it may, five feet two inches is unacceptable.
I don’t see the problem.
The problem is that it leads to behaviour which I will not tolerate in my school.
What kind of behaviour?
He bends down whenever he passes through one of the doors. It makes him look ridiculous.
Why does he have to bend down?
Because, as he well knows, the doors are precisely five feet high. He should have taken this into account before becoming as tall as he is.
Five feet? Why only five feet?
It’s part of the building’s design. I approved it myself.
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.
I bow to your superior knowledge of stupid things, but this is not one of them. It is a perfectly straightforward policy, which almost invariably works well. Every other pupil can pass through with their shoulders back and their heads held high. I see no reason why Frankie should be any different.
What about the teachers? Don’t they have to bend down too?
The teachers have their own doors.
How high are they?
Six feet six inches.
Well, why not tell Frankie he can use those doors instead?
That, if I may say so, is just the sort of anarchic suggestion I would expect from the mother of a height-divergent child. The teachers’ doors are for the teachers, and the pupils’ doors are for the pupils. If we were to permit the pupils to use the teachers’ doors, which we would not do under any circumstances, it would unquestionably lead to a breakdown of order and discipline, the two cornerstones of education. I simply will not allow it.
You must have had pupils the same height as Frankie before.
I have never known of such a thing.
I don’t believe you.
If you insist on being impertinent, then yes, I admit that it did occur once, a long time ago.
What happened?
It was a distasteful and regrettable period. I will not speak of it, except to say that the boy in question became known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa, even among some of the staff. I sacked them as soon as I heard about it, of course.
Why don’t you just make the doors taller? I suppose you’re going to tell me you don’t have the budget.
That is certainly a consideration, but the bureaucratic implications are more terrifying still. The very thought of them makes me feel quite faint.
What about the implications for my child?
What about them? I don’t see the relevance.
I think you’re being very unfair on Frankie. It’s not his fault that he’s different. You should be able to make adjustments for him.
And compromise the system?
Of course, if you have to.
Impossible. The system is paramount, and must not be put at risk by your son, or other outliers. Nothing is more important than the system. And order. And discipline. The system, order and discipline. Without those, where would we be? Now please see yourself out. I am a busy man, and have important matters to attend to.
Top image copyright Natalia Y. via Unsplash.
Recent posts
The Second Queen of Hirta chapter 12: In tempore belli
The curious state of being British
The flying Finn: meeting one of the world’s top rally drivers